The Way Lost

At the lunch table, as the conversation floated from chicken wings, casino, weather, education and in the end to India, I was amazed by a particular comment made by my american colleague. "Not long ago, we americans used to live in extended family just like you have in India. I miss that now!!!" Something has given away to independency. Older parents staying put. Grown ups moving out to stay alone. People living independently without or with a very limited reference. We see it in movies. Now I see it in real. 

In my family, the hierarchy start from my grandfather and ends at a generation younger than me. Everyone around you is related. The next door neighbor is Uncle. The door after is Aunty. The whole community  relates to you in some form or other. The reference does not end in your community or locality, we relate even to strangers. In the queue to temple, the stranger in front can be uncle, aunty, bhaya, behenji, dadaji, dadiji, beta or beti. I remember visiting my maternal uncle's house during my childhood days. It used to be a village then. I used to go along with my maternal grandmother to all most all houses in the village to get myself introduced. Based on the age of the person I am getting introduced; I have to refer to them as Uncle, Aunty, Dada, Dadi, Nana, Nani. The reference goes on and on. 

For somebody staying independently, so many people residing together under one roof will seem like chaos. But the chaos is healthy. There is a fabric of togetherness & love by which the different generations are bound, even when each generation has its own ideals. I being in a generation sandwiched gets love and care from above and pass it on below and what I get in return is respect and love. The generation lying at the base of the pyramid, is the youngest and gets all love and affection from all above. The generation at the pinnacle being the oldest seemed to be wise in judgement and gets love and respect. 

All along my life, I had stayed away from home in residential schools and hostels. My job and career has propelled me in a direction opposite home front. I represent the developing India but the development is at a hidden cost. I am getting away from that fabric of togetherness or rather say already have left it way behind. What I left behind in quest of my aspiration is the belongingness and warmth of my family.. kids running around, grand parents telling stories, mom or aunty making delicacies in kitchen.. dad and uncles giving you advices.. the playful fight between siblings, even the neighbor uncle or aunty treating you as their own child...

We are marching and mimicking the western society. The nucleus of our essence is in churn now. The fabric is becoming weaker and weaker day by day. Now when the neighbor gets referenced as Mr Sharma or Mrs Mehta, the stranger can all together be ignored. The universal greeting "Hi" can be thrown at friends and strangers with equal ease. The relationship are becoming name-shake and mechanical. The world is shrinking but we are drifting away from each other like never before. I and many more like me have already set in the path away from belongingness. The reason could be anything. But when I see the Westerner still longing for the good old time..  We need to question, are we in the right path?